I have invented a fictional scientific institute, funded by men, that keeps producing studies which, at least on the surface, seem to be good news for guys.

Here's a summary of some of the research:

• Semen is an anti-depressent. Yes ladies, women with regular exposure to our special product have seriously lower incidence of depression. They compared couples who use condoms and those who don't.
• Coffee is good for you. Ok, this isn't just guys but in stereotypes, they are the coffee drinkers.
• Beer is good for you.
• Wine and alcohol is good for you.
• Men with two wives live much longer. Come on honey, do you want me to die young?
• A whole raft of studies on the health values of orgasm for women, and some for men.
• Chocolate is good for you. Ok, so the women eat just as much as we do.
• Swallowing semen significantly reduces the risk of possibly fatal pre-eclampsia during pregnancy
• You live longer if you're fat and fit than thin and unfit.
• High heels no worse on your knees than ordinary shoes.
• Staring at breasts increases lifespan in men. Ok, so this one was a false study but it could still be true.
• Short skirts cause fewer skirt-related injuries than long skirts. (Ok, this one is just self-evident.)
• Sex every day will strengthen your marriage. OK, not yet studied with full rigour, but, duh!
• There are reports that swallowing semen regularly decreases breast cancer. Though this has been disputed, it's too good not to be researched here at the center.